Patience

How do you know when you’re ready? And how do you humbly accept when you’re not?

On the panel @raisingvibes hosted, one of the panelists @mujermedicine said something that stuck with me, “It is very important that we do not assume roles that we are not prepared for”. 

These words hit me in the heart. 

Why? 

Because I am learning how to humbly face the ways that I am “not ready”. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I am in graduate school for a Masters in marriage & family therapy...but the real call I feel is to work with psychedelic plants & fungi for healing, eventually.

I see a lot of white women in their 20’s and 30’s on Instagram assuming the title of “medicine woman”, and it has always struck a bit of a nerve with me. With a lifetime of working with psychedelics & herbs and really HEALING my body naturally, I have never called myself a “medicine woman”. I have reluctantly called myself a “healer” because it is as ambiguous a title as I can conjure to reflect the consciousness work I do with ThetaSoma. But I don’t feel fully ready to assume this role...nevermind a word like “shaman”, something that I don’t know if I will ever be ready for in this lifetime.

I am working with a guide & mentor who I meet with biweekly, and with whom I will be journeying. It came to light in our most recent meeting that there is a big piece of my healing work I need to do before I will be fully ready to step into my training as a guide. 

This was a humbling realization. 

I felt a lot of things. 

I still feel some things. 

And guess what... that’s the point.

This work is meant to be humbling. 

If I have learned ANYTHING about this path so far, it’s that if feel humbled I am walking the right way. 

This path is not easy. It is uncomfortable AF. It is messy, it is dark, and the road is very, very long. Lifetimes, upon lifetimes converge into a single point through which we witness the moment of healing. 

This road is not a 6 week certification, or even a year long training - is deep, lifelong, soul-level work. 

Maria Sabina had raised 12 kids, tragically lost 5 of them along with 2 husbands, taken a vow of celibacy and reached the age of 40 before she began her real work as a curandera. 

The truth is, I do not know when I will be ready.

If I am fully vulnerable, I don’t know if I will ever be ready. 

And that very line of questioning encourages me to realize that someday, if it is meant to be, I will. 

I share this because we are creating culture right now. 

We are opening up Pandora’s box as we make our way into and through the “psychedelic revolution” of our time. 

If I am anyone in this movement, I want to be an authentic voice rooted in truth. I want to speak grounded in what I have learned from indigenous communities and from the plants & fungi themselves.  I want to be honest, integral, and clear. 

Patience is everything. Infinity is now. Walk slowly, mindfully, and humbly. 

This is about the journey. 

We live in a world that desperately needs healing. We don’t have the luxury right now of 40 years of study before we are asked to step into our roles as healers. We are needed on the front lines in this spiritual battle. That being so, we need to carefully, and consciously listen to ourselves, our families, and our mentors to determine when we are “ready”.